I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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