are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
