Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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