you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
