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We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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