I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
