I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize