i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
