Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
