i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
