Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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