Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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