i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
