his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
