why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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