Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
