I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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