I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
