i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
