i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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