you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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