I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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