he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My cat gives me a boner
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
