I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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