guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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