What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
