Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
