I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
