before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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