I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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