for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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