i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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