Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
