i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
