She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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