You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He? As in you personified your dick?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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