Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
