You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
