Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm always down for nudity.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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