u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
as a side note pls kill me
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
