When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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