Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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