naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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