Betty ford says i'm here all night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Couch. On fire.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
