Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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