I will die if light touches me.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
