I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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