Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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