I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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