Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
