Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
