Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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