I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The feeling are messing with the penis
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
