Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
