Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
