Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize