If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
