I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
